December was a very difficult month for me emotionally. I haven't been that depressed without a clearcut reason since I was a teenager. I'm doing well with my house, my finances, and my writing. I have a job and I have good people in my life. So what was the problem? Lots of things. My work, my writing, my push toward 40. I asked myself if I were to die tomorrow would I have any regrets. The answer was YES! So I decided it was time to re-evaluate.
I chose to let go of all the control and misery of December. In doing that, I was able to take a step back and analyze my "situation." Now things are so much clearer to me and I thought it time to share what I've learned.
Bottom line is I want to be published but I still need a day job to pay the bills, put food on the table and put cash in my pocket for Nationals. My current job gives me those things, but it sucks the life out of me in payment. So I'm putting a plan in motion to change that this year:
I'm taking the next couple of months off from serious, heavy duty writing so I can get my other career sorted out. I will still write and revise, but I won't stress over it if I don't make my self-imposed deadlines. (I'll just change them!) If I put the time and effort into my day career now, come the summer and fall I'll be able to go like gangbusters on the writing. So, less time to write right now will give me more time to write later...and forever.
This decision, influenced by my NaNo success, took a great weight off my shoulders and my heart. I know this is the right decision for me and my career goals-both writing and day job.
Now, there is another piece to this, but I want to work a couple more details out before I share that piece. So stay tuned. In another day or two I'll be unveiling my next big adventure (which will also feed my muse, I'm sure)!
6 comments:
SOunds like you're getting everything in order to make the changes you need - way to go!
Tough choices. I know what it's like to try to balance surviving/just getting by and writing. The thing is, if you're not happy or at the very least, not able to tolerate, your day job, it sucks all your creative spirit away.
Sometimes too, I think we get depressed after finishing a project. We look to starting the next book and realize that a lot of our creative energy hasn't been replenished.
Plus, you've got 2 books out there and that's worrisome. What is the editor thinking? When will it get read, etc.? Before you send anything you can concentrate on the writing. Afterwards, it's out of your control and that can be really hard to cope with.
So, give yourself a pat on the back for all your hard work and do what your heart tells you is right for you! You're going to do great.
Thanks, Kelly!
Cat, I don't usually get depressed after finishing anything because I've got tons of other couples to write! And as for the submissions, I like to say I'm not thinking about them but we all know I'd be lyin'.
All I can say is, ditto what you said to me. :-) I also went through a depression before making some changes. Good luck!
Lexi, a big hug for you!! I went through something similar last year for several months. I'm so glad you're past it and making decisions you're happy with. I wish you all the best!
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