I've been dreading this post for the last 2 days, but it's time I share my news with you. After some sobering words from my CP about my current WIP, I withdrew from the RWA Golden Heart Contest. I know, I know. Some people probably think I should've tried to revise in time, but I'm just not motivated right now. There are too many things in my outside life vying for my attention and I don't have the heart for revising right now.
My CP was worried about me being upset or angry with her, but truthfully I'm grateful for her. I need someone I trust, someone I know wants the best for me, to be that brutally honest with me. Her comments had to do with the story being in my head and not clearly on the page. She's right. I've lived with these characters and in this Scottish village for 2 years now. I know so much about these people that I forget the reader has not listened in on all my conversations with them. Also, my CP commented that I have some big leaps in scenes (like I've forgotten to put a scene in between because she felt like she missed something). Again, that stems from me living in this world for so long.
I have no doubt I'm capable of fixing the holes and bringing the story to its clear, concise, intended ending, but I don't have the enthusiasm it would take to whip it into shape in time for GH. Why submit something to the GH that I don't feel excited about? Plus, I've been writing long enough to know I can't force it.
If I had my way, I'd take a vacation from writing from here until the start of 2008. I've literally been working on the Scottish contemporaries for about 20 months now with very little time off. The ONLY thing keeping me writing is the fact that I have this 100 words a day for 100 days challenge with my students. 7 of them are going the distance with me. I feel I can't let them down. And besides, how hard is it to write 100 words?
Which leads me to the reentry part of this post. I'm playing around with a suspense. Again. (Still?) I'm putting no pressure on myself, no deadlines or anything like that. For the rest of these challenge days, I'll do what I can and what I want. If it's good enough to keep, I'll use it in 2008. If it's trash, I'll toss it in the recycle bin.
Don't worry about me. I'm not depressed, frustrated or angry. I'm calm, relaxed and I feel this is the right (and healthy) decision for my craft. I am a writer. I will always be a writer because the stories need to be told and I can't imagine a life without this creativity. But Caitlin and I have to find our way back to the writing well.